Spaghetti farts smell like tar; Get Kevin Hart to emcee

Dying is easier than running - I mean that's true enough with every electronic device but yeesh. Does anyone actually like finite sprinting ability, or is this choosing realism over mechanics again? How does anyone press control, shift, and alt comfortably when the Windows key is right there to crash the game? Are sea bears okay with sprinting? Why do SO MANY GAMES have you HOLD L3 to sprint?!